Pynque.

2011-05-16T02:06:00.001+08:00

In a few hours' time, you'd be back here. Right beside me, where you belong.

2011-05-06T02:35:00.000+08:00

Too much to drink? I miss having nights like yesterday. "Cheers to an uncertain night". Didn't realise how true it was until the end of the night. The amount of drinks come and go, drinks from macau, drinks that got mixed up, drinks that were stolen, drinks that were bought. Drunk behaviours, some were happy drunk, some were jumpy drunk, some were flirty/slutty drunk, some were possesive drunk, some were just drunk. But personally, it would have been a more perfect night without or with the presence of some others. It warms my heart to see my friends happy and to have him close. He is leaving for bangkok in a week's time. Boooo. Lonely week follows his absence. :(

2011-03-30T01:37:00.000+08:00

I am one that doesn't do well with words, nor confrontations. I turn to either writing in my journal, or here. but it has been awhile since I did so. I want so much to type down the words that have been playing through my head, but I can't make myself do it. Maybe one day, I'll pluck up the courage and pour my heart out. Hopefully, that day will come soon. Cos I know, time is not on my side.

-
And eversince lately, I've been having these random dreams. Occasionally even nightmares. When I wake up from these dreams and try to make sense, any sense of it all, I go blank. Dreams that have no meaning, no connection to anything that has been happening to me or around me. What are dreams then? Why do they even appear in my sleep? Are they out to convey a message or are they just random pieces of images in my head?

2 out of 5 now?

2010-11-15T01:56:00.001+08:00

So much drama happening around me lately. Honestly, I don't give a damn about all this, but somehow I always find myself dragged into this mess. I am in my happy place and you were supposed to be part of that, but I thought wrong. I guess you have better priorities to attend to. I did my part, whether you are too ignorant to realise or not. I have a whole life ahead of me, and I don't wanna waste my efforts in trying to fix this. You just keep disappointing me even more, so why should I bother. Whatever makes you happy. Just note that I might not be there when things go downhill for you. I doubt you're even gonna be there this weekend. To think that you were one of my pillars of strength that once upon a time. Nice work, girlfriend. You've caused much heartache.

Love

2010-11-13T00:35:00.001+08:00

Iyaz - So big. The anthem of our life, together. Hopefully one day, it'll be completed just as how we imagined it to be. But better. :)

ORD-ohhh

2010-11-12T02:14:00.001+08:00

My boyfriend, the ORD personnel. :D miss his IC face.. Cute right?

Post Created Nov 10, 2010 2:45:37 PM

2010-11-10T14:45:00.001+08:00

Happy anniversary mama and papa! Twelve more days to me stepping into supposedly adulthood, and us to the half decade mark.

As for the next couple of weeks, I'll be busy working on something, as usual when it's nearing this time of the year. :) wish me luck!

Post Created Nov 7, 2010 10:45:03 PM

2010-11-07T22:44:00.001+08:00

Halloween 2010.

2010-10-28T14:52:00.002+08:00

Kinda new at this. Hope this works..

Thankyou love. I love this very much! :)

2010-09-20T02:23:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I don't know where to start. Just hearing you say those three words sometimes don't mean anything when all I get is attitude. I don't know where all that's coming from. It's as though you have two completely different personalities, when you're with me and when you're not. We can have all the deep talks, and the sweetest time together, but sometimes when you leave me hanging, I start to wonder what am I really here for? I'm not counting deeds now, but I just want you to know that everything that I've done for you was because you mean alot to me, not because I felt a need to do so. I don't want to be rude and say that I feel used, but sometimes I really do. Like some comfort zone, where you'd go back to eventually. I would like to wake up to your texts, or better yet, your calls in the mornings. Not the other way round. When I gave you calls each day, secretly I was hoping you'd take notice of why I did so.

So I'm sorry if I was being persistent, for wanting a little bit more than just your attention. I know you love me, I've seen it. And you know I do too. I just feel the need to type this down, may it be you read it or not. I can't stand a second of us being mad with each other. Iloveyou.

2010-09-02T02:44:00.001+08:00

Life's been good. So far the preparation for Eid has been rather err.. nothing? I think I've reached the age where it doesn't excite me as much as it used to. Not excited to get shoes or accessories. Not excited for the kuehs and such. I don't know, is there something wrong with me? I can't be bothered to walk through geylang, omg the horror. So many people! Urgh.

Actually I'm not in the right mood to blog, but somehow I feel the need to update. But there won't be any updates if I'm feeling lethargic and cranky and moody, FOR NO REASONS. This is annoying, I don't know why! I want to type out so much but I can't find the words. Geez.... I swear I hate it when I'm not on the computer and I have so much to blog about, but when I'm here it's just blank.

Angsty girl, I think you should sleep now.

/edited. I think I know why. I am in need of some boyfriend loving. Hint hint Haziq.

2010-08-11T04:21:00.001+08:00

You. You are the only person in the world who could make me fuming mad, so furious I could cry hot angry tears. That one person who could break my heart into infinite pieces. The one who makes me sleepless at night. You could be so unbelievably hard-headed at times, so stubborn, so egoistic, so cruel. You could make me throw a bitch fit so bad, it makes me hate you. You are the most irritating person to have an argument with. Sometimes, I don't even know why I bothered.

But then again, I do. Cos you, you are also the only person in the world that makes me so happy, I'm on cloud nine. That one person who makes me cry happy tears. The one that mends my broken heart, like as though it was never broken in the first place. You make me stay up at night thinking happy thoughts. You are so incredibly sweet, so kind, so patient, so tender. You make feel special and loved. And you are also the most fun person to have an argument with, cause you could make me smile in an instant. And nobody could do that to me.

The reason why I love you is because of these.
You. :)

2010-08-02T00:39:00.000+08:00

The craziest week of the year so far. A goood crazy though.

Thursday 29 July 2010.

Faliq's advanced birthday party at DblO. This place does not have the same vibes as the old one at muhammad sultan. But I enjoyed myself heaps. Thanks Mamat and Abeen for joining us. :) And Happy advanced 23rd, Faliq!

Friday 30 July 2010.

Faiqah! You're finally 18, you lil monster. Zouk on Friday night for Haziq's little sister's 18th birthday party. Also for idk what event they were having, Hasri got invites for Haziq and Pecah. Even though it was Faiqah's night, I swear I hated the atmosphere. I hated everything about Zouk. The music sucked balls, the crowd was so mat & minah infested (like I've nvr seen before! it's at though it's their breeding ground or smth! urgh!), and everywhere on the dancefloor people were doing that FUCKANNOYING CHICKEN DANCE. I couldn't stand a second in there, what more dance. Phuture was packed so there goes my chance of RnB. It's just bloody stupid, I'm never going back there. Buuuuuut, Happy 18th birthday Fai! And please get well soon. :)

Saturday 31 July 2010.

I seriously thought I had enough partying for the week, with the recent Zouk experience and Haziq being tired after soccer. Towned after dinner w the Fmfc at simpang to meet up w the rest. Wan, Asnim and Syed Haziq rushed off to Zirca, which left me, Haziq, Mamat, Rai and Deng with no plans. Rai asked us to go to Stereolab for their 1st anni, which I got invited to also, but honestly, I didn't wanna go cos I didn't wanna see some familiar faces. Last hope was Zirca, which was a quite half-hearted plan. After much persuading, Mamat, Haziq and I got in and I was determined to have one helluva night. And I, have never had sooooo much fun. The 6 of us, all sober, dancing the night away, stealing a full bottle of vodka, drinking straight w no chasers (it was so bad, they had to take a jug of juice to mellow it down) and after a few ciggies, that did it. Music was awesome, I didn't want it to end. In the last hour, we went to Zirca (oh I didn't mention that it was Rebel all along? oops. It's still the same. Zirca Rebel, Rebel Zirca.) and the house music was great. Picked up a few lightsticks and in that state I was in, I didn't know what I was doing. I must have looked terribly stupid dancing tektonik like that. HAHA. Confetti and balloons started falling down from idk where. It was such a happy night for me. Zirca is Home. :) Thanks you guys for the awesome night.

The last I partied 3 days in a row was 2/3 years back? Wow. Anw, the rest of the pictures are on fb. Taa.

2010-07-16T15:32:00.000+08:00

If I could put yesterday on repeat, it'd be one of my favourite nights. Not exactly the feeling I wanted when I wake up, but the love I feel surrounded by the people that mean alot to me. Aww right, I know. :) I've missed the presence of the girls in my life and to have 2 of them spending the crazy night away w me last night was like a wish come true for me. Thankyou girls for making time for us..

I can't stop smiling. I don't want to stop smiling. Just thinking back about last night makes me all tingly inside. It's funny how you can still make me feel this way after so many years. That's why I love you. :)

And when my 2 girlfriends call me baby and princess, and when the boyfriend calls me angel, I couldn't feel more loved. <3

2010-07-15T18:32:00.000+08:00

Tonight's gonna be a good night. :)

2010-07-10T07:15:00.000+08:00

It's seven in the morning and I just got home AND I have tuition at two. God have mercy. But nonetheless, I'd have to say, tonight was indeed enjoyable. So much laughter, so many stupid antics, so many lame games. All waiting for high tide and sunrise, zombified. I laughed so hard tonight and I'm happy. See, littlest things are enough to make me smile. So thank you guys. Me love you much much.. :) now, GOODNIGHT!

2010-07-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

Today, witnessing the rainbow made me happy. And it made me realise, that no matter what front I potray to others, deep down I'm just like any other girl. I love flowers and colourful things. I cry watching sad movies. I get all soft from sweet gestures. I am sensitive when it comes to love. Sometimes, I put on a dress on a random day because I just wanna feel feminine. Sometimes. But most of the time? Most of the time, I just don't care. The people I am around with most of the time are boys, so you can't blame me if I tend to act like one. It's more fun, anyway. :)

Today was one of those girly days. <3

2010-07-05T02:05:00.001+08:00

After a week of work and staying out late almost everynight, it kinda gets you feeling all tired and moody and lethargic. And when some things just don't go your way, to hear you say I love you, must have honestly been the best thing I've heard frm anyone this week. It's amazing how I keep on falling in love w you.. You are beautiful. Nuff said.

2010-06-24T01:12:00.003+08:00

I. Love. My. Life. :) As simple as that. Thanks to the wonderful boyfriend and awesome friends for making my everydays happy.

And I've missed my camera for quite some time now. Since the father has returned it back, let's take some pictures tomorrow!

Somehow, I feel the sudden itch to let go. Let go as in doing something crazy? Like jump up let's get crazy kind of crazy? Yeah. Ahhhhhh dblooooooo!

2010-06-21T01:58:00.001+08:00

For what is worth, I love you Haziq.

Whatever happened last night, it doesn't matter. For all the times you've taken care of me during my ugliest state, I'm glad to be there for you yesterday. You had no idea how I felt, to know that you had to take that fall for me and hurt yourself real bad on your head and shoulder. You didn't even get the chance to step inside w everyone else. I'm sorry the guys had to see you like that. And I know whatever words and actions you hurled at me, you didn't mean it, I know. Unless you do? But I am sorry...

I'm sure you're gonna read this, so I just need you to know how terribly bad I feel and ziq, I was honestly touched when you kept asking ard for me, even after what I put you through. I love you, baby.. :')

2010-06-10T02:20:00.001+08:00

You know what's one of the best things I love about you? No matter how mad you make me, you somehow squeeze your way through to brighten up my day. Sometimes, it doesn't even take that much effort. Well maybe because, I'm not that hard to please and also because I can't stay mad at you. But really, that's cheating!

Thankyou babe. For the lil surprise you had for me earlier today. It was really uncalled for. I love it, not because it was smth you bought fr me, but because of how it all happened and the reasons behind it. I didn't know you still had it in you, all this sweetness. Hmmm... THANKYOU! Lap you long long time. :)

P.S. The shoes look great on you btw.

2010-06-07T23:47:00.003+08:00

Sitting by the window pane, the cold breeze in my face. It's pouring, and I could smell the rain, the grass, the trees. What would it take to have you holding my hand, standing in the rain and embrace this beautiful moment, where everything else seemed just trivial next to the one human being standing right in front of me?

2010-06-03T03:51:00.000+08:00

This never gets old. H, 2005.

2010-06-03T03:23:00.004+08:00

"I wish it was simpler. I wish I could see the world through your eyes. I wish I could mean to you the same way you mean to me. I wish to be that friend you used to turn to when you needed to. I wish you'd let me in. And I wish you'd prove me wrong."

2010-05-19T01:37:00.001+08:00

There's much to update, but I havent been in touch w the pc fr quite some time. The thought of uploading photos on the net, urgh. When I feel like it, u'd see pretty pictures up in here, promise. :) for now, I think I'll stick to twitter. Antg peeps, just holla.

-
Haziq, thankyou. For making my graduation a memorable one, and fr being patient with me fr the past few days. Idky but I just love at hw we seemed so impossible n the nxt moment you made me feel like there's so many reasons to smile. I love you, not being mushy here, but to let u knw that I am aware of all ur lil gestures to make me happy. I am, and today, that part of me extended even more to fill you in, cos I can never get enough of you.

2010-05-13T01:30:00.000+08:00

Omg I can't waaaaittt! Above are the pictures of the yacht we are taking tmrw for Hilmi's 21st. It's gonna be a blast :)

Right now is 1.07am, and I need to wake up bright and early tmr to run some errands of my own. Today has been one tiring day, not that I did much but it's just the weather tht's wearing me out.

In the morning, accompanied Ziq to his specialist appointment, which was quite pointless cos the doctor, or rather the Specialist had to refer to his senior consultant regarding whether or not Ziq has to go for surgery. So Ziq has to come back for another appointment next week. -,-

Bought back Qiji and had our lunch over at his place. The weather was quite humid but I felt so sleepy trying to keep my eyes opened to watch movies on hbo. When Faiqah came back, we started the food preparations for tmr. We made an ice-cream cake (which looked awesome btw yumms), marinated the chicken, pari and dory, and some corn. By the time we cleared the kitchen, it was near midnight. Discussed abit for the deco and etc. And cabbed hommmmeeeee...... I feel so sticky right now it's disgusting.

Oh oh! HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY, HILMI AND DIL! :D

2010-05-12T01:10:00.001+08:00

I can't find the right words to explain what's on my mind right now. But what you see isn't really what you get. And I miss you, goddammit it hurts at times.

2010-05-10T00:46:00.003+08:00

Oh why did I even bother watching? Shudve just listened to ziq when he said chelsea would win this. Mrepek gila score. 6-0, so far?? Gahh...

Eversince both ziq and jud are on long mc, we've been on a gaming spree. And I can safely say that if we continue to play 7days straight, I would turn into those zombies but fatter cos each time after the game, we'd head down fr breakfast at macs.

Tmr night would be ip man 2 w them guys, on haziq. Waaa abang nak belanja laaaaa. Haha! Abang wanna belanja me shopping not? Hahahaha.

Omg omg I can't wait for thursday. Faiqahhh, are you excited?? I'm gonna take beautiful pictures on the yacht and the islands and the fireworks. Omggggggaaaah hurry up will you, thursday? :D

Pause. Correction, the score's now 7-0. Kental pe wigan. And I'm more upset cos on the other hand, man utd is doing so well against stoke, 4-0. Stupid wigan just hafta be so kental and let chelsea take the title. !!! Okay my post tonight is so messy sorry. I shall shut up now.

2010-05-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

I'm sick of this. Sick of being in this house, sick of shedding these angry tears for the same fucking reasons, sick of being treated like I'm not a part of this fucked up family. Yes, I am that mad. I can be this mad forever, I have been, and only with the both of you. Let me make this clear. I FUCKING HATE YOU. And I am seriously tired of people saying the total opposites.

Honestly, I envy all of them nice families out there. And I made a promise to myself that when I do have a family of my own, I will not be the person I hate to my children.

I fucking can't stand being in the same room as you. It's like we totally repel each other. Do not act like as if you know me, cos the truth is you don't. You're never around and I don't fucking know why the hell I covered up for you. I don't know where you go at night, I don't know what you do. And the hell do I even know where you get those money from. If you think you can make up for your absence just by giving me money, fuck you. And it has ALWAYS been like this; when it comes to studies, YOU love to just compare me with whoever. Like I'm never good enough in your eyes, like I'm always the problem child. Well, this problem child of yours did managed through TKGS, and she did graduate from TP. And she did not need a single cent from you. She had to work to get her clothes, to get her shoes, to get her school stuffs, to have fun just like any ordinary teenager. All these years, it's like she's on her own and you're like the background in her life.

And tonight, when you opened that letter and saw that I was turned down by one of the most important thing in my future, you simply asked me what my next move was. Firstly, you have no idea how important this application was to me and fucking hell you don't know how devastated I felt after reading the letter. Secondly, why the fuck do you care? It's not as if you have been active in my life decisions. So fuck off. Oh and that wasn't it. Apparently, his point was that I was stupid and that's why I got rejected. So father, are you prooooud to have a stupid daughter like me? And I can't believe he is still talking about me like as if I was still in high school. Dude, gimme some credit. I changed over the years. Oh yes I forgot. You weren't there to see it. Hmm. And seriously, don't act like the cool dad whenever my boyfriend or girlfriends' are around. It's disgusting.

And you woman, you just stand around and do nothing when all this is happening right before you. I've had enough of your nonsense. C'mon! I have dreams too. You don't take me seriously just because I used to play around during high school? Didn't I prove my point when I retook my Os and made it to poly? Not good enough for you? When I opened tht letter and told you the contents of it, all you could say was get a permanent job? You didn't even ask me if I wanted to try other options. The one person who I thought I could lean on, you disappoint me. When abg wanted to study overseas with his friends, you gave in. When kakak played ard w her JC and poly and retook her diploma and do this and do that, you gave in. What, do I have the word 'REJECT' stamped on my forehead?? What the fuck is wrong with you people??

But the nicest thing was the least expected person came up to me and said,"You go and do your research and see if I can cover for your tuition fees." I almost teared up. She has always been there for me. She was always understanding with whatever I chose to do. It's an unspoken love I have for my sister. She's my family.

To the both of you, don't come and find me when I do succeed.

2010-05-03T02:50:00.000+08:00

It's monday already, gosh that fast? With me not being in school doesn't really help much with the dates and stuffs. I didn't even know it was labour day on Saturday and that the kids are having school holiday tmrw, not until Ziq's mum pointed out to me. -,- hmmm

I can't remember when was the last time I actually had sooo much to eat, one after another. Thanks to sickboy, who has terribly reduced his food intake to more than half! I planned to buy back food from kfc and eat it w ziq at his place tonight, since he told me there was no food there. So I got us a meltz meal w cheese fries and coconut pie. When I got to eastwood, his mom asked if I bought dinner and she told me there was still the last bit of laksa left. So I said okay? No? I love laksa and you don't expect me to be rude and not eat the food that she cooked and eat my kfc intead right? So I felt like some fat girl, with laksa on one hand, and kfc on the other. Half of the family were out and the dad's buying macdonald's for the rest. Dearest haziq ordered a double quater pounder.... when I was still munching on my meltz. The mom cooked honey chicken wings for us. So I had that after my laksa, and my kfc. His food came, and just after a few bites he told me to finish it up cos he felt like puking. O.o Anything for you lah, haziq....

And like any fat girl, I would like to sleeeeeep after a good meal so imma gonna make this short and sweet alright?

Saturday - bob's performance at haji lane. EVERYONE was there, almost? Bob, Ziq, Cit, Tamp, Alam, Mamat, Abeen, Asnim, Bonn, Jasone, Jud, Syed Haziq, Zul, Rai, Jub and Hasri. Bob went freestyle! We loved it. :) Good job love jets. Kampong glam cafe w the whole bunch, you can imagine the kecohness. Monopoly deal-ed. Pool at parkway, which I TOTALLY won bob at. HAHA. Okay, okay I didn't say which hole I'm sorry, but I still win a Mcflurry right? HAHA. God, I miss that place. Not Poolspot I mean, but Classic and Katong and the whole of marine parade. Good times, good times. Photohunt and metal slugs while waiting for turns. Supper at Macs, and hot chocolate w marshies from McCafe. Had good fun laughing at each other's nonsense for a good 2 hours or so. Cit drove us back close to 5am. Crashed.

-
Haziq's been saying he's feeling useless and asking me if he's gonna stay impaired forever, and if he would ever get to play soccer again. Signs of depression. Baby, be patient. You don't see people getting broken bones up and running in a week. They all take time to heal. ALOT of time. Have your spirits up for me okay? I love you too. :)

2010-04-30T01:38:00.003+08:00

Guess who got the front seats to watching the sneak preview for Iron Man 2? Hahahahah. Thanks kak! :) Needless to say, it was awesome. W the bestboy beside, double awesome.

So the day started late for me. Only made my way to eastwood ard 6ish? While on my way to his place, ziq had another mishap. Apparently, he fell off the bed cos his whole body felt numb and jelly, and hurt his injured shoulder. Poor boy. How I wish I could just stay by him and nurse him back to health. Sorry baby.

He was moaning away in pain while waiting fr acit to pick us up fr mat's bday dinner at pasir ris pond's arnolds. And eversince NUH gave him those painkillers, he has been having a really terrible diarrhoea, going to the loo every now and then. :( I feel bad fr him, cos I can't do nothing. He's in the most fragile state in his life right now. Like what I've told him, "You like baby. I like Mummy. But I like it. :)" It's okay love, give it time. Just a few more months, bear the pain.. I knw it's hard, you can't do alot of things tht u wish u wna do. And I knw it's difficult fr you to let others do things fr you cos you're better off doing all these things on ur own. But hey, I'm here for a reason and I really don't mind doing all these for you. :)

Okay so where was I, oh yes dinner. In the car, kakak gave me a call saying she'd got 2 tickets to Iron Man movie at 9pm ehub and she was tired frm work. So she asked whether Haziq and I would want them. Like hello? Of course we would. We've been trying to get hold of the sneak preview tickets but starhub didn't get back to us. Made a quick pitstop at whitesands to meet the sister and back to arnolds.

And since Ziq couldn't eat much, we had a quick meal w the guys and left. They were planning to go ehub anw after dinner so we could join them later.

Yadayadayada. Movie. Bowling, fr them. And home! Ghost stories in the car back home frm opera. Oh and yes, full moon today! :)

Tomorrow, eastwood in the evening prolly for some movies. I'm guessing I'll be spending alot of time there for the next couple of months.

Fyi, my old number is back in use people! Okay not thaaat old, my 9004 number. Okay? Okay. Bubbye :)

2010-04-28T00:48:00.001+08:00

The cramps are kicking in... Urgh I feel like a pregnant woman.

So! I just got back frm ziq's. He got involved in some training in camp and got himself a broken collarbone. It was such a pity to see him helpless on the couch with an arm sling across. Fed him dinner and accompanied him while watching the tv. And like I've said earlier, the cramps got in the way of me doing things for him. I needed to made several trips up and down to the kitchen, but it's okay honey. Antg for you.. :)

This month I skipped my cramps diet. I am not supposed to eat antg spicy or cold, but I made myself super hot and spicy noodles yest night, had mee goreng and ice-cream at his place just now. :( But good thing is, I haven't been puking fr the past couple of months.

Tmr morning, he needs to go to cgh to get it fix. I cudnt believe NUH did nothing to help him with the injury, just a specialist appt next week. Next week?? Dude, you're gna leave my boyfriend in pain for one week?? Such assholes.

Anw, have yet to update on my weekends. On second thoughts, I'm lazy to recall back exactly what happened. Sooo..... Let's just sum it up.
Thurs: 53rd anniversary.
Fri: Zirca w Ziq, Jud n Bob. Good night, good good night. I wudnt say much, only that I was touched by what u guys tried to do fr me back there. Awww korang... :)
Sat: Ziq scored the only goal for fmfc's match. Go baby! Dinner w the team at tang, overnight at simei w the rest watching movies on psp.
Sun: Takraw @ simei.
Mon: Ziq's medical appt @ cgh, BK breakfast @ eastpoint. Rushed to dte fr a supposedly 1130 show, but we realised it was actually at 1210. Sat at McCafe for some hot chocolate w extra marshmellows watching matchstick men. Caught KickAss the movie, which was awesome. Frozen yoghurt there is kinda weird tho the toppings are almost overflowing frm the cup. It was okayy, prefers frolick much much better. TM starhub to replace my lost sim card, and home sweet home.

-
"So baby, where's my diamond ring?"
*kisses my hand* "I'll put a diamond on that ring..."
I love you, and I dnt need no diamonds on my ring. I just need you. :)

2010-04-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

Happy 53rd months anniversary, Haziq.
I'm so lucky to have chanced upon someone as great as you.
You are a godsent, myangel. Only God knows what we've been through. And I believe we're stronger now than ever. I thank you for loving me the way you do and changing my life into something unbelievable. I'm proud to be standing beside you, hand in hand, and call you mine. Cos no one in this world can ever match up to you in my eyes. It's almost 5 years down the road, and I still have those butterflies in my stomach each and everytime I see you. The smiles that suddenly cracked up from that solemn faces of ours when our eyes meet. It's just like when we were still in high school. I love it when it's you I turn to when I need a bestfriend, or a brother, or a lover. You've been there for me for as long as I could remember. Those memories we made together, I would never trade them for any better in this world.
Thankyou baby. Iloveyou. :)

2010-04-20T23:35:00.003+08:00

I have the best sister ever.

In the kitchen..
Me: Kak, you got any lobang fr customer service jobs tak?
Kakak: How long you want?
Me: Temporary only uh. Like a few months.
Kakak: I see how lah.
She went off and came back to the kitchen..
Kakak: Nah, some money fr you. Don't spend all ah..
Me: Huh? Oh. Thank you...

I thought it was 50 bucks. But the 50bux felt thick in my pocket. She gave me 200 dollars! So touched can? :)) thankyou kak.

2010-04-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

So it's monday already and I have yet to recover from the Saturday madness. And so does everybody else. Reached home since half an hour ago from dinner at Simei. The few of us who went that Saturday were all feeling the same way, "Kauuuu. Rabak gila. Serious. Aku tanak mabok lagi." HAHA. Well let's see about that ah Jud. :p

I'll try to recall as much as I can. If it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry.

Saturday - Fakemadrid's match at Macpherson sec was cancelled due to bad weather. Out of nowhere, all last minute plans suddenly popped up. Alvan's girlfriend was in town and he invited Ziq and I over for some drinks. At the same time, Dil and the Bedok South guys planned on finishing up their bottle at Rebel. Also, Jud was back from Brunei and all of them were spending their night away at town. It took both me and Ziq the whole time during dinner to decide.

Thinking back of the mendak-plus-masai-gila moments we had the last time we drank with Alvan, we moved on to the Rebel plan, which wasn't confirmed cos the guys were half-hearted and shit stuff like that. So we decided to just get a bottle of our own and meet up with the Simei boys until the Rebel plan was confirmed. This is gonna be a longggg post. O.o

Spinelli's at Heeren with Jud, Bob, Zul, Tamp, Jub, Rai, Bonn, Syed Haziq and Haziq. Looking at how down Jud was feeling that night, we decided to bring him to Clarke Quay and have some fun. :) Sat at the CQ bridge with two bottles, incl Jud's Bombay Sapphire, while Ziq and I went to get our Rebel chops through Zirca. Oh yes, Rebel plans were confirmed then and the guys were on their way down to Clarke Quay for some starters. Shifted down to Liang Court bridge to comfortably settle down.

Okay get this. There were vodka bottle from Ziq, Gin bottle from Jud, Carlbergs, bacardi breezers, cranberry vodkas, jim beam bourbons, Ethirtythrees, Amsterdams, Guinness, Long Island Tea (special thanks to Jud who got for me after I told him I prefer LIT to any other cocktails, awwh THANKYOU!), and these were only starters. Rmbr I said there was a bottle to finish up in Rebel? Gosh, my personal bartender was far tipsy already. Look how crazy Jub got.

When it was about time to go in, finally, that was ard 1?, Bob, Jud, Tamp and Syed Haziq tagged along with the other 9 of us. With less than half hour of break from drinks, we were greeted with a bottle of Martell. In addition to that, some Tigers, some whisky dry, some cranberry vodkas, some bourbons. By the end of it, everybody was soo fucking red and dancing away like mad men. So mad, up to the point when this boyfriend of mine knocked me into something hard, accidentally lah. I have no idea what it was, but I know it hurts like madddd, until today. :( The guys did their street dancing stuffs, on the dancefloor, on the podium, everywhere. When the lights came on, it was like 'aaaaaahhhhh my eyesssss............'. Hahaha.

******************************************

Haziq and I headed home and crashed. 45 minutes later, I was up and out for breakfast with Emil. I was soo hungry, I thought of getting my breakfast deluxe, but I knew better so I got just a big breakfast, which I din finish also cos I felt like puking. My body was so weak but I went ahead and accompanied dearest girlfriend to Queensway to survey some stuffs for her boyfriend. I'm sorry Mil, if I was sucha cracko that morning. Hahahaha just to keep myself awake. :)

Me: Eh Alfa!
Emil: Takla, that's Skuda.
Me: Skuda apaaaa siaaaaaa........? (in a very slowwww tone, head tilted reading the back of the car)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, I cracked myself up too sometimes. :p

Got back and knocked out til night, woke up damn hungry, checked kitchen, go out of kitchen, took my phone and texted Haziq, "B, u abes kul brape? Nak teman I makan? My mum masak bende mrepek". So awesome boyfriend drove down from work and got my food. :D I love my boyfriend! Thankyou :))

My sister and Abg Rudy were sleeping at Kemb yest, so I had the room to myself. Switched on the tv, and slept back. HAHA. Woke up, went to kitchen and prepared my food. Watched Real Madrid's match, and fell asleep again. When I woke up, Ziq told me he wanted to go CGH early this morning to get his ankle checked. He told me to get ready, that was 6.45am, and I told him give me a few more minutes. The next time I woke up, it was 10.45am! And no missed calls! hahahahahah called Ziq and he too, fell asleep. I told him to get ready. Guess what time this boy finally wake up? 1pm! Yes, we were damn shagged BECAUSE of that night. When Jud was telling us his story when he got home from Rebel, I wanted to laugh. He slept under his block, shifted to the carpark, and went home when it was broad daylight and only woke up when it was 2am on monday! haahahahahahaha. "Rabak rabak. Gila babi. Aku promise aku tanak minum lagi. Tanak mabok lagi!" HAHA.

So. That was my Saturday, Sunday and Monday. How's yours?

2010-04-19T00:25:00.001+08:00

I will be back to talk about my weekend when I feel abit better. My body's aching and my bruised arm hurts like hell. All I wanna do is lay in bed, oh yes kakak's at kemb fr the night, and drink lots of water and watch movies. So I dnt have the time to get out of bed to use the pc. Toodles.

2010-04-17T03:42:00.002+08:00

"Take my hand, take my whole life too. For I can't help falling in love with you." That's my reply to your message yesterday...

Wow I wasnt expecting an upfront reply. Thankyou. :)

2010-04-17T02:13:00.000+08:00

So the day started off with me being super cranky cos, one, I havent had my lunch/dinner, and two, HAZIQ WAS BEING INCREDIBLY ANNOYING. For a moment there I thought I could actually burst into a fit, but nahh.

Stopped by Eastpoint to supposedly alter his jeans and mend his shoes, and also for me to get my food. But ended up spending the rest of our evening there with the guys. Some daytona for them, while my stomach was impatiently waiting for food. I was hungry, everything food sounded good to me at that moment so I suggested to try for Istanbul Gourmet. Which sucked? Okay nolah, just wasnt enough to make me a happy woman, which led me to buy eggtarts from kfc. Perangai gemok, really. And since I already got my fooooood, my mood lightened up, abit.

Sat at drive by before it started raining so we headed down to Bob's place for some monopoly. Halfway through the game, Zul came over.

I got tired looking at monopoly money, decided to watch Rec on the psp. I was seriously freaked out by it. Gore level 4/5. Scare level 4/5. Most of the time, I felt like as though my heart was beating out through my chest. Almost the same reaction I had when watching paranormal activity. Gurgh! Okay mind, please erase all images from my head. I need to sleep peacefully later.

Tmr's Saturday. What's your plans? Some Rebel, maybe? :)

2010-04-16T02:19:00.003+08:00

I dont knw whats the matter with me. I cant even describe it to even begin with. I have the sudden feeling of insecurity, when I knw I shudnt, right? I mean everything's going so well. Or should I blame it on paranoia? I dont know. It's like as though I feel like I didn't have a proper closure to what happened almost a year ago. I mean, I've dealt w it, I'm okay, we're okay, we even joked abt it sometimes, so whats the problem? We are happy, never better, now than ever. So what is it? I just cant stand to see it happen again. That feeling of crushed hopes and promises. That's my biggest fear.

Seriously, quit thinking nonsense. Brush it off, please. God, protect us from all evil. Amin.

2010-04-15T02:27:00.009+08:00

Baby

Justin Bieber | MySpace Music Videos

Eenie Meenie (live)

Nohemy | MySpace Video

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm actually having a bieber party on youtube. Ya ya, I know I used to say this,"No. I don't like Justin Bieber. No. Eee?" HAHA. Haziq asked me a few weeks back whether I wanted the song Baby, and I was so defensive about the idea. Cukup tiiiiiime. :D Eh, that bieber kid can dance okay! And okay i'll admit, he's not too bad live also. Emil, don't kill me for posting this video.

Wait, I wanna share another video with you. Cos this one, reminds me of haziq. No, seriously. Maybe 3 out 10, I'm talking bout the similarities in their dance moves. Don't kembang ah ziq.

OMG

Usher | MySpace Music Videos

So changed up the skin, and my old tagboard is back! It's quite dusty, as you can see. It's 4am now, and the brother's still playing PES. My days now are so routined, I'm getting sick of it. I'm just looking forward to the days when I get to see the boyfriend and girlfriends. I want to go back school and study! Yes, I'm a geek like that why? NIE reply quick.

Nights.

2010-04-12T03:02:00.003+08:00

Facebook's a bitch. I hate it when I upload pictures on fb, it takes forever urgh! I thought of putting some pictures here, but look at the time! I want to sleeeeep. :( I'll be mean and say, "Go fb uh check yourself." buuuuut, I'm nice so I'll say,"Okay next time I upload okay." HAHA. Shut up shut up I wanna pee, I wanna eat, I wanna sleep! Omgosh so many birthdays. The weekends were spent having a bbq for Shah's 22nd, partying for Bob's 20th, and tmr will be dinner for Arif's 21st. I need to get his cake and stuffs. Tmr afternoon, parkway. Anybody wanna accompany me? Beep me okay? Okay. OKAY I SERIOUSLY NEED TO PEE. TTYL!

2010-04-08T02:00:00.002+08:00

I've been bumming ard, making myself useless. But these bumming ard so much has been fun. This week was his off week, so called. Pictures will be up soon, if I'm not lazy to update it using the desktop. Been very lazy, i guess this is the result of a diploma graduate. HAHA. It's a joke, laugh. Suspects this post will be a boring one, cz I'm bored right now. Just fiddling ard w the phne, and I ran out of sites to go. So here I am. If you're imagining how this should sound like when you read it out, yeah it's monotonous. I don't really find the need to update anymore, or blog. Maybe I'll just turn this page into an album instead, if I feel like it. Do a lil something something to change up the skin? hahaha world ah aien. Say only, say since last time, but never do do. English gila babi.

Hmm... My advice, dnt blog when ure damn bored and pathetic, cz it will so turn out to be boring and pathetic.

Shut it k? My. Life. Is. Great. Never better. :) Just lazy. Heee.

2010-04-02T01:33:00.002+08:00

COMPLETED. READ THAT? :D

I have officially Graduated from Temasek Polytechnic. Today, 1st April 2010, I am the happiest girl on Earth. You dnt knw what I went through to get this diploma. Really. I honestly thought I wouldn't make it this far, that I would fail the supp paper that determined my status. BUT I BLOODY PASSED IT!

And now, I will be able to stand side by side with my classmates on Graduation Day, in my graduation robe, with MY diploma in hand, and say,"FUCKKKKYEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Alhamdullilah. :) Thankyou to everybody who thanked me personally and electronically. Haha. Reaaally appreciate them.

To Haziq; Baby! I made it! I actually Made it. Thankyou for all the support and words of hope you've given me. Thankyou for believing in me. I love you. :))

2010-03-23T00:50:00.002+08:00

To the bestest boy in my life, thankyou fr the wonderful day. Thankyou fr the huge breakfast, thankyou fr the fun FUN time at wild wild wet, thankyou fr the dvd marathon, thankyou fr pizza deliveries in bed, thankyou fr making me happy and laugh and smile from morning til night, thankyou fr taking off just fr today, and, thankyou fr being by my side fr 52 months. :)

Having said that, HAPPY 52ND MTHS ANNIVERSARY HAZIQ! :D <3 <3

2010-03-19T23:33:00.004+08:00

Like None Other.

So these past few days have been great, beyond great actually. Since I have the chance to blog now, I shall wish my dearest girlfriend a sexy 21st birthday! Just for you honey. :) Pictures are all up on fb, two albums worth. Haha! Super duper event.

Also at the same time, been mugging fr Supps fr this Tuesday. Wish me luck? It's make it or break it. Please let me pass this. I want to graduate, please..... See my face damn pathetic already, let me pass? *pouts* -,- No no! I mean it, about the passing. Not making fun. Okay shut up.

Annndd, Haziq's been a sweetheart these couple of days. It'd be too much to blog, but let's sum it up okay?
1) Bought me shoes, the Vans shoes tht I wanted so badly.
2) Brought me out for a really so-sweet-I-could-die-from-diabetes date
3) had movies, foooooood, and Frolick! :)
4) Dressed up SO HANDSOMELY, I DNT KNW WHY I DIN BRING MY CAMERA ALONG THT DAY!

plus, the love you showered me is just too..... You're addictive, uknw ziq? Eeee. In a good way, of course. :) And that night over dinner, while waiting fr the guys, you were incredibly sweet. I dnt know, I dnt have any other word for it, cos it's SWEET. You said those words, it made me melt secretly inside. Am I lucky or what? :p

Sorry if this post gets too mushy fr you readers to handle. But it's specially dedicated to the boyfie, so.... whatevs. ;)) Cant you tell I'm happy? Too happy to care. :D

Whatever pictures are all up on fb. Check it out. Laters.

2010-03-12T01:27:00.002+08:00

I'm all hyped up for tmr, or today(whichever you prefer). Charging the camera, syncing the files, packing my bag. Also maybe it's infectious due to Emil's bday party this weekend. No idea what to wear! Think 'Geek'. Mmmm, no. Nothing's in my head right now. We'll figure out something.

My feet hurt so bad coz I've been walking ard town since afternoon til night with stupid undersized sneakers. From Somerset to Cine to Heeren to Far East to Forum to Ion to Wheelock and back to Far East. I couldn't stop myself from stopping by Ion to get slippers. Sorry, REALLY needed to, or else my feet would have broken into two.

Waiting fr the files to finish syncing, and I'm going to bed. "Wake up in the morning, feeling like P. Diddy." Hahah okay sorry, it's catchy!

Turaa~ (That was a random post?)

2010-03-03T19:10:00.004+08:00

Today felt so blissful. Even though it was just another random day sitting dwn at Eastpoint having starbucks and watching movies frm the psp, with him by my side. We had drinks after drinks, cuddling up together, I missed that. Even when there're friends around, it was as though you were screaming 'I love you!' through ur body language. You weren't embarrassed, like hw I've always felt you were ard people. I like it. :)

And those words you said to me just made my week. Thankyou. I love you too..

2010-03-03T01:43:00.002+08:00

"I love you noraziah nadirah, nuraien hamidan, al imran minus safwanah shariff marican." - azhar(or shud I say nadirah. Haha!)

After 8 years of not meeting my primary school bestie, I finally got to see her face tonight! It was sucha pleasant sight, nad. You have nt changed one bit, except the fact tht you joined the cancer club. (will get to tht later) hahaha.

Since Saffy and I missed the chalet the other time, both of us plus nad, azhar and imran met up fr a mini make-up gathering at arab st. Caught up w each other, nad and her gossips, had stupid food at ambrosia, iphone-ing, all random stuffs. The place was filled w laughter frm us, I swear we made alot of noise. But it was all fun, I'm glad I made it dwn.

We cabbed dwn to reservoir macs fr supper and more chillax sessions. Youtubed alot of nonsensensical videos, and embarrassing stories frm yrs back came out. By then my camera died on me, so boohoo. Imran, or whoever it was came up with the cancer club, saying when we turn 67, we'd call each other up fr a smoke and lepak at the senior citizen's corner drinking teh together and tht saffy wud be the first to turn senile. Hahahahah! Tht, I wana see.

It was nice seeing those familiar faces agn. We shud do it agn hey? :) pictures will be up on fb. See you peeps sooooons!

2010-03-02T01:42:00.002+08:00

Hey yous! Just got home and my feet hurt like maddd. Guess what? Frm a boring mon-day, it surprisingly turned out to be an awesome one. Thanks to the dearest Yana and Shah, and the boyfriend. :)

So I strtd off the day with the same old same old; facebooking, oth-ing, and to the brink of boredom, I even streamed a few minutes of Power Rangers The Movie. Haha! Kental, I knw. Then I made a genius text out to Yana, and she asked me out fr kite-flying! At first Haziq wantd to stay in tonight, but I guess he changed his mind and joined us instead.

And oh boy, did we get lost! We had to send smth off at choa chu kang. Somehow, somewhere, even with my personal GPS boyfriend, we got terribly lost. And we cudnt find our way to JP fr dinner! Haha. But agn, someway, somehow, we did. Had dinner ard 8ish. Bought some delicious, to-me-sedap-nak-mampos-doughnuts-wannabes cream puffs. They had like all the beawesome toppings. Next favourite junkie. :)

Hopped on the car and drove to Marina Barrage to fly kite at 9 in the night! Hahahah. It was like having my ears sandwiched by the speakers or smth, they were blasting the music damn freaking loud, I cudnt even hear wht Haziq was saying to me. And I felt like I was in a 3d crazy taxi game or smth. Hahahaahhaa.

So we tried to fly the kite in the not-windy-at-all night. We did uh, fr about afew minutes? Hahaha. More photos taken. Shall upload soon. Yana wanted to go to the fountain area and play w the waters, so we did. Took off our shoes and played around fr abit. Z: happy, you? A: happy gila! I get to play w waterrrrrr! :D

Drove up to the flyers, all 4 of us entered the 'maze' and then Yana decided to be funny. They guys were like playing hide-and-seek in the bushes, and tht clever girl disappeared herself frm us. We had to go in and out of the maze like countless times. I spotted her first, and we decided to hide frm the guys instd. I shud have known tht they are nt stupid enough to fall fr our pranks. Haha!

Sat by the waterbreakers, switched on some music. Sing-along session w Ziq. "I nak learn play guitar can? So when I play guitar, you can sing." That'd be great, honey. :) We took alot of pictures.Hilarious ones. Yana and Shah cracked me up maddd. Hahahaha. I love the photos we had, all of them. What was more perfect, it was full moon. :) And both you and I know how much we love full moons huh?

I love them people. Esp Yana and Haziq. Thank you. :)

-
And I stil found this damn funny! FB is fb. Doesnt hafta be real, Mat!! Haziq changed his status to married afew days ago, and this was wht happend today during dinner.

Mat: Kau da nak kahwin eh?
Ziq: Huh?
Mat: Kau da engaged?
Ziq: Dari mana kau dgr?
Mat: Berita Harian.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!! Haziq, you shudve just played along!

2010-02-26T00:26:00.002+08:00

On my way back home today, Ziq texted me something tht made me smile. It caught me offguard reading this out of the msg 'your future, my future, ours'. I was kinda freaked out in a good kinda way, cz I din expect tht out of him. He's nt someone who would say such thgs abt this, us, even after 5 years, even when I used to talk abt it alot. He'd be the one who'd just tell me to take one step at a time. So wtvr it is tht he's thinking, I hope it'd be fr the better.

So! Today, we caught a movie. Dear John. It's a quite emotional story, Ziq caught me crying a couple of times in the theatre. Asshole. Somehow tht reminded me of Yana. Crying, such a fun activity eh yana? Hahahahaahaha! But god, Channing is so blessed w the hot body and handsome looks. Haziq feeling him, I knw! Yea, he can kinda relate to him in the 'soldier/sergeant' manner. Haha!

And my cramps kicked in the late period of the day. We headed dwn to Safra fr his match. It got worse, but thankfully I've had much much worse cramp days. There was this moment when he had to go on the field and doing the typical 'wish me luck' thgy, he came on and kissed the tummy cz I was whining too much. I. Swear. I. Was. So. So. Embarrassed! That'd look sooooo wrong, Haziq. Sooo soooo wrong in people's eyes. Omg. Dnt get me wrong honey, I appreciated it. Just that you make me so malu! If I wasnt tht weak, I'd punch you. Hahaha. Kk no, sorry sergeant!

Talking about tht, yest while I was feeding Qayyim and Ruqayyah dinner and Qaniah, Zahrah n Ziq had theirs, Niah whispered in my ear. "Why I nvr hear you say 'Yes, Boyfriend' to Haziq before?", cz apparently I told her to tease Haziq by saying 'Yes, Sergeant!" to him. Hahaha she's getting smarter and smarter each day, all of them are. Like one of the times, she asked me,"Do you love Haziq? Yes right? Tht's why Haziq your boyfriend right.....". Hahaha how do you expect me to react to tht 7yr-old girl's qn? Kids definitely say the darnest things. :)

So tht sums up a long post. I'm here in my sister's room, on her bed, watching American Idol. The sister and husband are sleeping over at Kemb tonight. So I'm enjoying every bit of this as much as I can.

Wish you were here right now.......

2010-02-18T02:07:00.003+08:00

Today's been mentally exhausting. The last time I've actually mugged the entire day was a year ago. After which I went dwn to Safra fr Ziq's match. It was an easy game, so yada2.

Boyfriend had to rush back camp, long story, so I had to go all the way to Eastwood to send back his boots. Whaaaaat a nice girlfriend, right? Haha!

And tmr, back to school fr more mugging. No complaints, this is the last straw. It's so surreal how 3yrs have passed by so fast, just like that. Hope all turns out well fr me in the end. :)

Okay, now is 2ish and I'm still awake watching beauty and the geek. Planning to change the skin fr the blog and revamp the whole thg, after exams okay. The only reason why I'm blogging at this hour with randomness is cos I MISS BLOGGING ON MY PHONE WOOPEE YAYY! Ok dah, goodnight pretty world.

-
Love love. :)

2010-02-11T23:49:00.002+08:00

I should really start updating, now that almost all my projects are done. Woopee? -,-

At the moment, I'm trying to finish up the manual for Netsec then I can go and rest my eyes. Let's rewind back to earlier today.

Had Ewa lab at 9, but knowing ME, I came at 9.45. And I was supposed to be presenting before the labtest started. BUT guess what? Before I took the bus to school, I realised I totally deleted off the whole folder for my presentation. I was so screwed, I didn't know what to do. And my presentation had been postponed for nearly a month, okay please. Went to school anyways, prepared to be fucked by Wilson, which he totally did. I had to present no matter, and lucky I tell you, LUCKILY, I had my previous presentation saved somewhere in one of my other folders. You think it's over? Nooooo, Wilson just had to make me do demos that had no relation to anything I was teaching. WTF? "You came late. Not prepared. Make everybody wait 45min. Is this your attitude for .... bla bla blaaa". I wasn't listening so whatever.

Sat for the labtest. It was ... how should I say it?... good? I don't know. I'm never good at programming, thus the repeated modules, but I managed to get almost all signatures for the components. Which made me feel ... I don't know?... satisfied? happy? It's like a big burden's been taken off my shoulders. You know like thirstquenching? Kay whatever.

So home afterwards. Submitted my applications to MOE and NIE. :D Had a not-really-comfortable sleep in the afternoon. Awaken by Ziq's call, saying that he'd be coming over for dinner.

And officially today, I just realised that my boyfriend needs to learn simple manners. TSK, HAZIQ. TSK!

On a separate note, Azlia's back in Spore. So I'm hoping for some goooooood plans tomorrow night. STRESS RELIEF! :)

2010-01-27T18:20:00.002+08:00

So on that note, I would like to say thankyou to the boyfriend for being there for me for the past 5 years. Thank god for your existence in my life.

I love you, Haziq. :)

2010-01-27T17:42:00.002+08:00

Urgh I'm feeling it now. I'm feeling the stress now. Never before in these 3 years, or should I say my whole life, have I ever felt that everything's crashing down on me. I'm scared that I'm not gonna be able to graduate, which puts more pressure on the projects that I'm doing now. These 2 programming subjects are killing me. I swear, they're killing me!

I'm through with the others, it's just these two. Omg I need help. And what's worse, they are my repeating modules, which means, I HAVE to pass them or I'll be out of school. And what, in my last semester? All my 3 years in TP gone to waste just because I don't understand programming? Fuck.

And as if all that isn't bad enough, money problems just have to make it worse. Bill's not paid, fine not paid, and I owe Haziq a whole damn lot. And he's now so tight with cash, I don't even know how or what I can do to help. I can't possibly get a job right now, with my situation with school like this, I might just die out of stress. Don't even get me started with family issues. You know people always say that family's always there when you're in deep shit. I have come to accept the fact that eversince I was 16, the only thing I get from them is school allowance. No extra cash. And that's what, 30 a week? I've been getting by each day with my pay. They don't pay my bills, not even concession, and I can't remember the last time they got me clothes to wear, besides Hari Raya. I was just a kid, for crying out loud. And they still have the cheek to tell me why I don't spend on the family. YOU THINK I'M WHAT?? I'M A FUCKING STUDENT WHO IS STILL STRUGGLING TO JUGGLE SCHOOL AND WORK, AND YOU WANT TO ASK FOR MONEY?? I see other kids who get pampered and still want to whine, I feel like slapping their disgusting faces. I' used to ask myself why do I have to live independently at this age, when other kids don't. But I've stopped questioning all these along time ago, and accept for what it is.

I don't wanna give up. Not after all the shits I've put myself through. There must be some good from all this right? I mean, isn't that how things go about? God, have mercy on me.

2010-01-15T22:41:00.002+08:00

When was the last time I spent some quality time with the computer? Haha. This is what you get when you stay home on a Friday night. And lemme tell you something, IT SUCKS BIG TIME!

Got home even before 1pm from school, and slept like a pig til 4.30pm? Woke up to have my late lunch, slept some more til around 6ish? Walked out to Macdees to get McFlurry, no actually just to get fresh air. Got back, switched on the PC, caught up with the episodes I missed out on OTH for the past few weeks. And now? Alvin and the Chipmunks 2 online. They said it's funny and cute (..) but I guess I'm just not in the mood for funny and cute right now.

Omg, tell me what to do? It's only fucking 11pm! I want to cook, but I dont wanna eat. I want to sleep the night away so that when I wake up, I can see You. But, I've already like... slept? kjsgdjasgifut wiefjegarj tiuagsjdhxbzugriuyefiu

I'm having Alvin in the background right now, and I swear it's so irritating. The squeaky voices coming out from the earpiece. Urgh. Ok now that's much better. Gaga's Speechless on Youtube. :) Isn't she just beawesome? If you haven't already realised, I'm totally rambling nonsense and I dont know why anyone would actually bother to continue reading this. Heeee -,-

Oh and tmr, he and I, we going off to our getaway. Picnic baskets, with sandwiches and sodas, huge cutesy kites and the yellow sun. How can I not love this sweetheart? :)

Sorry I bored you with this entry. :D KENA TRICK HOR.

2009-12-28T16:52:00.002+08:00

At the moment I am uncontactable. If you must, pls reach Haziq's cell.

And, I'll be busy til next month, I hope.

- Shitloads of projects.
- New Year
- Party with my Perth cousins
- Ziq's birthday
- .. wait. there was so much more when I thought of it. Now, I'm blank.

oh wells. updating fr the sake of updating. Hapy 2010. See you when I do. BYE! :D

2009-11-23T16:01:00.002+08:00

And many many apologies to them ppl who stayed on til morning. Sorry for being sucha loser haha. I made a huge mess, and apparently Yana told me I had an argument with Faliq. Omg this is so funny/embarrassing, worse, I cnt even rmbr any of this! LOL.

Here was the convo btwn Faliq n I at the beach.
A: I want.
F: NO!
A: Who are you to tell me that??
F: *shock* I am ur future brother-in-law! If u n haziq wna get married, you'll need my permission.
A: No, I can ask haziq's parents fr permission!
.....
Shit I'm super sorry,Faliq. Uknw I din mean wtvr I said, and wtvr else nonsense I said to any other ppl. :)

2009-11-23T11:16:00.009+08:00

I had the time of my life last Saturday. To those who made it dwn despite the weather forecast and the constant scare with the lightnings and heavy clouds, to those who bought their outfits just fr this party, to those who had guard duty but still made it dwn during his guard duty rest, to those who helped me out with all the food and the preparation for the party, THANKYOU SO VERY MUCH! :D

And I would wanna personally thank dearest boyfriend for making this party happen fr me. Happy 4th anniversary, baby. :) I love you.

-
Pictures frm Sat night. More on fb. Theme was pink & blue. :)

2009-11-12T01:36:00.003+08:00

Long time no updates huh?

Been busy. I can't believe how fast time flies. It's just 9 more days.
AND THERE IS SOOO MUCH TO BE DONE.
I have yet to get the party stuffs. Yet to get the food stuffs. Yet to get the thg done. PLUS A SHITLOAD OF SCHOOLWORK. PLUS PLUS, Haziq's is camp which means I hafta to do this on my own. Somebody help. Really.. Before I go crazy at my own birthday party.

-
Heckkkk. I miss the boy, like how he misses his blanky. HAHA.

2009-10-18T23:53:00.001+08:00

All the best words combined still can't describe this.

2009-10-18T04:59:00.001+08:00

I'M IN LOVE WITH MUHD HAZIQ SUDHIR SO SOOOO VERY MUCH! :D

-
"You guys are like two best friends who are in love with each other."

2009-10-16T12:46:00.005+08:00

Just testing ard with the hp camera, whick sucks BIG TIME.

It's 1pm on a Friday afternoon, and I'm fungry. Tuition at 3 later. School reopens next week. What else, what else? Nothing much ah. One tree hill season 7 is already at the 10th episode! And I'm still watching the 4th! Need to catch up. :D

-
"Everytime I'm not so sure I'm doing the right thing,
I'll take a look at this picture, you & me.
And it reminds me of everything that's important to me,
and it always tells me to do the right thing."

2009-10-11T03:59:00.002+08:00

Had a very fun nightout with the guys after the match. Should have brought my camera, dang.

-
You have officially become my most favouritest boy. Oh, what's new. :)

2009-10-06T22:17:00.003+08:00

Hmm let's see, what to update.. The reason why I'm blogging nw is cz I want to let time pass by faster. Currently in the train back frm Yew Tee. So embrace yourselves if you choose to continue reading this random post. :)

listening to: dear god - avenged sevenfold
So I had early tuition today, hoping tht Ziq will be having his night's out, and he did! Rushed off, took the train to Boon Lay. It has been some time since I last took a train, and I forgot the reasn why. The smell la ohmagodd. Totally caught me off guard k pls. This huge man sat bside me and he occupied like what 2 seats?? And he squished me hokayy. Urgh tahan fr like half my trip there. :S

Went to Safra Jurong to meet up with Ziq n his campmates, playing cs. After which we cabbed dwn to his camp back at Yew Tee. Was quite bummed cz din get to spend much time with dear boy. He needed to book in by 10.

But the reason why I'm still very very much in love with this boy; it's the littlest things he does tht makes me the happiest girl. :)) I would go to and back the other end of Spore just to see him even fr awhile, and tht doesn't even bother me. Not when he makes it all worth it.

So to you bbluv, I love you too :) And I'll be seeing you on Friday! Yayyy

-
Told you it's random. Nobody ask you to read whaaat? :D

2009-10-04T23:23:00.002+08:00

Times like this I really wish he was here to soothe the pain... Why am I cursed with such a strange pms every month? Why can't I just have normal cramps like any other girls? I demand the fairness of this all.... See I dnt even have the energy to be angry, or pretend to be angry even. This reeks.

-
"Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away.." :)

2009-10-01T10:51:00.009+08:00

THE WEEKENDS ARE LIKE CRAWLING AT A

SUPER SLOW RATE JUST TO ANNOY ME RIGHT

NOW.

2009-09-30T12:21:00.003+08:00

The trailers from New Moon.

The first;

The second;

And, the most recent plus the most favourite, the third;

(!!!) Neeed tooo contaiiinnn thissss excitemeeennnttt.. :D

2009-09-26T05:32:00.002+08:00

When was the last time I've felt this happy fr weeks? No no, don't get me wrong. I am not complaining, in fact it's the total opposite. I mean things have been satisfyingly well, I couldn't ask fr mre at this point of time.

The way it was supposed to be. Proper.

-
Enjoyed a good scream and laugh all together with ziqo tonight. Should really go n catch Phobia 2. Awesome :) And uknw what I came to realise just nw? I've been watching alot of sequel movies with Haziq. Esp HP n HSM. Tht felt like eons ago. But at least it's cmfrting to knw u get to share the same jokes with tht same persn. :)

Actually kan, I'm dead tired alrdy. Was alrdy snoozing off in the car back hme. So off to my happy place nw. Shooo.. Bee tea darbelyu, ich liebe dich mhs <3

2009-09-20T13:11:00.003+08:00

Eid mubarak to all my family and friends out there. :)

How's everyone celebrating their Raya today? I can't wait to see my cousins. It's been soooo long since I last seen them. Ooo and the foods is a gooods. This is one of the times that you wud say, "To hell with diet! Makaaaannnn!" hahaha yah like as if tht ever applies to me. Raya tak raya, I still eat like a pig. :D

Mass msged everyone, but started off with the boy. This yr is the 5th yr I've spent with dear boy, and it's been wonderful. :) To him, who might read this; Selamat hari raya, love. Hope to see you sooon and hope I get the chance to wear this gold baju with you!

-
Oklah, nak makan! Heee jemputtt!

edited/
Pictures are up on fb.

2009-09-19T17:48:00.002+08:00

Just finished cleaning up my room oooh yeaah babyy. :) Gonna buka out, all lazy to do dishes. HAHA. Oh what the hell. Once in awhile. :)

edited/
Pictures of my favourite spot in my rooooom :)

Last but definitely not least heh, Yours truly laaa.

2009-09-18T19:47:00.003+08:00

I'm on the way to tuition now. Had delicious chicken rice along with lemak ketam cili padi.. Mmm yumm :) Just afew mre hours to seeing botakboy yayy.

Oh haha the sister told the whole table I was laughing in my dreams this morning. And I was like, " You sure I wasn't on the phone?" Quote unquote, don't blame your boyfriend for ngigauing ah u, excuses only. Hahahhah k fine whatev.

-
Am listening to snatch thief. Oldies or what.
I think he wants your girl, I think he wants your girl..

2009-09-18T00:02:00.004+08:00

Geylang was super boring. I mean I didn't know it was thaat boring cos me and haziq only went there for the food. Serious2, what with the annoying crowd and the typical and normal looking stuffs. Like errkay.. Waste my time only. The sister wanted to get an indonesian kebaya for me to wear to her wedding. Ohoho noo.. Gahhh! RIMAS. Told her I rather tailor-make mine. What was she thinking haiyoo.

Aaaaanyway, Haziq's booking out tmr! And i really hope I get to see him before Raya. Bloody hell, I miss him lahh. :(

-
A big disappointment to self. The hair's shorter now booo >( So plan to curl it, cancelled. Straight it is then.. Again.

2009-09-15T16:17:00.003+08:00

Oh am geeee, I am free! :D No more reports, no more school. Okay, at least not for the next couple of months when school reopens. But now can hooray hooray already! Woooootss!

Okay shit, now what to do?

2009-09-13T13:18:00.006+08:00

Hello world! Just testing around with my new phone ooo exciting :) i love it, i love it. Okay wait, I will have to update later. I need to do chores. Laterss peeps!

edited/
Urgh gotta finish up a 2000-word report by tmr. And i am so in my lazy mode. Going sleep now, and souljaboy will wake me up later then can only i start on my work. Tak boleh tgk org senang tau, ni ah sekolah.

I still love my phone, but i love my boy more :)

2009-09-11T10:26:00.006+08:00

Yesterday impromptu plans both in the day and in the night were quite eventful, to me at least.

Second last day of SIP in school woots2 :) Went TM for Starhub to pay both Haziq's and my bills, which I sidetracked and found out that I have a $150 voucher that was due in a month. Oooh and do not get me started on what phones I want, but eventually I just fell in love with one. Ziq told me to get it then, but I was like, "No? You gonna let me buy a phone on my own?? Later I choose wrong how? No no, you must be here when I buy." So tmr people, tmr = new phone! And then I was contemplating whether to get the heels that I wanted, coz apparently the outlet in TM does not have my size. So Ziq told me to go Parkway to check out if they have it in my size. Emil met me up at school and drove off to PP, and I tells youus. Fated la babe heee :D Ran some errands with girlfriend, chilled and back to school.

Tuition afterwards, when Hilmi called and asked me to accompany him to Ziq's place. The boy lonely no friend is it? Haha. So fetched me frm tuition and made a pit stop at BC to get teh tarik for the mom. Quote unquote "Wahh not bad eh, not bad" HAHA. Mummy was baking cookies and sugees so we had quite a few lots, while trying to help out. Qayyim distracted us, mostly. :) Aqilah and Faiqah wanted TomYum frm Spize so we took the Airwave and went Sempang. The kecoh began. Airwave was being a bitch and decided to die on us. It won't start. Spent almost 2 hours trying to get help? Cutest part of the night; Amidst all the drama, Qayyim went like, " Car spoil? Car spoil?" Hahahah. How can he understand so much the things tht were happening ard him. Haiya haziq, miss your baby brother not? Finally got it started ard 1plus in the morning, headed back to the house before going home.

Wished you were there..

Part of the list.

Aqilah's crazy 6-inch heels.

Faiqah & Hilmi.

OH, AND I MISS YOU LAH!

2009-09-07T12:17:00.002+08:00

-
Weekends were well-spent. :)
Friday: Final Dest, with dumb 3d glasses. Geylang. Lepak with the guys til morning.
Saturday: Shopped. Buka and movie-marathon at his place. Geylang. Supper.
Sunday: Manhattan Fish Market. annnnddd.... KATONG,L4D!! (THANKYOU!) :D

I so love you.

2009-09-03T22:33:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow:

-Wake up
-Sahur
-Sleep back
-Wake up
-Bathe
-Go school, clock-in
-Go home
-Sleep
-Wake up
-Go school, clock-out
-Go home
-Buka
-Go tuition
.
.
.
MEET HAZIQ! :D

-
Ok go!

2009-09-02T14:45:00.002+08:00

I'm looking forward to the weekends. No, I'm looking forward to seeing you.

God, please let time pass by faster.
2 bukas down, 2 more to go.. Halfway there...

2009-09-01T00:02:00.002+08:00

Random conversation while otw to tuition.

Me: So what are you doing now?
Haziq: I lying on the bed. Then later have to take measurements for my no.3 uniform.
Me: Huh? Oh no.3..
Haziq: Yah, the MP uniform.
Me: I know. (And I know no.2 too) Abeh, no.1?
Haziq: 1 is you lah. Haha klah, gotta go!
Me: Huh? Hahaha. Huh?
Haziq: Hahaha kbye!

How can you expect me not to smile like an orang gila in the bus? :)
-
1 out of 4 buka, that means 3 more nights to go. Haisss

2009-08-31T11:14:00.001+08:00

Quote unquote.
Its gna be a quick week k? Smile! =)

2009-08-28T11:09:00.001+08:00

BOOKING OUT IN A MATTER OF HOURSSSS! :D

2009-08-25T10:10:00.002+08:00

You know how ecstatic it is to have made a difference in someone's life? I just did, and I swear it was the most 'feeeeling' feeling ever. :D

The Dad: She got an A.
Me: Huh?
The Mom: Jihan dapat A.
Looks at Jihan..
Me: Really ah?
Jihan: *nods*

WAHHHHH! *beams* This is when you know your efforts pull off :) Aku happy, serious.

-
There is another reason as to why I am happy today. Should I say to start my morning off today, or to end my day off yesterday.. I was half-sleeping while on the phone with souljaboy, when he said the three words that I've been longing to hear. It took me by surprise, really. I was wide awake then, coz you made me the happiest girl. Thankyou :))

I LOVE YOU TOO, HAZIQ.

2009-08-24T10:37:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night with Ziq over at my place for buka. We had charcoal chicken and ribs and kebabs and murtabak and porridge and EGG TARTS! Omg food sounds soo good right now. Urgh temptation shoo away.. Ended up spending the night watching F1 with the rest of the family. Not interested, so was I. Chilled and played cards till almost midnight before he went home.

And now, he's at the new camp. And no more nights out, no more slacking. I am missing him already. Hope you survive, bubs.. :D ukilu.

Back to the book.

2009-08-23T16:52:00.003+08:00

THE BOY WORE PINK!! Like PINK PINK! Never before had he worn pink out with me for the past 3yrs, but he wore it yesterday. :D Eeeee I love you lahh. You can be so unpredictable at times. <3ssss

-
Anws, The Proposal is hilarious. Go catch it :)

2009-08-22T17:14:00.003+08:00

It's the 22nd of the month again, Happy 45th love.

-
I wished things were different. It's been two months. And it has been tough.. Nevertheless, like you said, "Don't ever doubt my love for you". Same here. I love you, Muhd Haziq Sudhir.

2009-08-19T23:17:00.005+08:00

Wednesday night, and I'm home. Back from tuition, 2 tuitions in fact. Crazy, I know. Super shagged right now but I don't want to sleep. Guess I'll be back reading the book again. Haiya damn bored can. Haziq's out with the guys now, wished he would call. I miss him. :( Like REALLY miss him. Emil and I were talking earlier this afternoon in the car about partners saying the three words just for the sake of saying it though they do mean it but don't mean it, get it? Err like... you know without a doubt that he/she loves you, but when one expresses her/himself, you just say it back to her/him when at that point of time you don't have the intentions to do or say that. Get it? Tak get it sudah.

So point is, I mean it. At this point, this second, now, I miss Haziq. I am haziq deprived, seriously. Gaahhhhhhhhh jgsdhjagt yesghjg ktf uktaiuft ahjvg >(((

-
Cut it out.

Ziq's birthday :)
Wonder if he still has this picture up in his bunk locker.

.
.
.

I found this. It amazed me how even now, it is still applicable. Just striking out those that don't.
-

Sunday, September 03, 2006

u knw sometimes i feel so incomplete and unloved.
sometimes i feel like i can never be good enough for anyone.
sometimes i feel like whatever i do will never make anyone happy.
sometimes i feel like i dont deserve anything good.
sometimes i feel like im just.....

sometimes...

who is this girl standing right in front of you?
that familiar face you used to adore,
she's crying, down on her knees
looking into your eyes,
searching for that same love she used to see.
wondering whether it's still there,
whether the fire is still burnin strong.
she's crying, down on her knees
looking into your eyes,
hoping that you'd see her
for what she has become,
hoping that you'd still see the love she has for you
just like when it was 221105.
and she stood up right before you,
your hand in hers
she leaned forward and whispered into your ears,
Whatever it is that is going to happen, whatever it is you've decided,
you know my love for you will never change. i'll still be here..
your hand still in hers, she brought it up to your heart.
Here.. i'll be here...

=') iluH

-
Waaahhh how bout that for emo?

2009-08-18T13:50:00.004+08:00

It was you and me, against the world.
And you promised me forever more.
Was it something that I said? Was it something that I did?
Cause I gotta know what made me..

Unbeautiful.

2009-08-17T10:14:00.006+08:00

Am in school now. Everyone went home, and I'm hungry. So where's my mambang now? I'm craving for cutlet noodles. Ziq said we would go Vivo for my noodles after zoo yesterday, but I guess we were both too tired to travel. Now when can I go get my nooodlessss? It's so far.. I think I'd just settle for fishball noodles at Itas. With chilli padi and my mountain dew, and a side of fries. How does that sound? Food sounds good all the time.

Why am I blabbering food nonsense here? -,- Cos I'm waiting for my movie to load. A walk to remember. :)

-
It's been less than 24hrs, and I miss him already. Why does your presence do this to me everytime?
"His love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it."

2009-08-17T01:04:00.005+08:00

A day out with love today to the zoo was something I needed. It's been a while. :) Iloveyouziqo, thankyou so much..

2009-08-13T12:51:00.003+08:00

Excuse the emoshits the past few weeks.
-
Anyways, tonight DblO. :) Time to let it all out. It has been awhile, I need to de-stress myself. Good music, good booze. Let's bring on the birthday bash for Faliq, let's GO! :D

I don't wanna be without you, babe
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without you, babe
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't wanna love you in no kind of way
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted girl
No broken-hearted girl

2009-08-06T13:49:00.003+08:00

I don't like this feeling at all. You know when you miss someone so much, you keep dreaming about him and reminiscing the days, and it makes you miss him much much more. And the worst part is, there is nothing you can do about it. It's totally heart-wrenching but what Can I do? When I try to spend most of the time with him, he gets annoyed. When I do go out with him, it felt like as though he had to. And when I do spend the day with him, sometimes I feel that he's not even there. I miss the guy who I can call my boyfriend. Misses the name-callings, misses the latenight talks on the phone, misses the dates, misses the random sweet nothings, misses the cute surprises, misses the warmth from his cuddles, misses the gaze from his eyes, misses the touch of his palms. Misses haziq.. But does he have any idea? I don't think so, or maybe he does but yah...

Telling myself to be strong.

-
Argghh! WHY THIS? WHY THIIISSSS?? God, It's like a roller coaster ride. I feel so messed up. Hell, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M FEELING. Only one thing I'm sure of, I love you. Yes I do, Haziq. And if you want to talk about sincerity, how sincere do you want? Never have felt that the phrase "I'd take a bullet for you anytime" would actually imply in this connection that we have.

We were doing so well, so soooo well. I was actually happy, smiling again whenever your presence was around. When I see you, when you call me, when you text me, I was so happy. I wasn't putting any hopes, but there was a glimpse of it. And I'm sure you felt it too. How my heart works around you is undescribable. It's you.

I have so much to say, but I don't know how to. But I need to, else I'm just crying and crying and crying. What am I to do? Move on? With what? Without you?? What are you thinking? hjgfhjgflvgbjaghegvjrhegfulyefru!!!

You have any idea what or how much you mean to me, Haziq? Let's not talk about stupidity yet. Both of us have had our stupid moments. But here, right here and now, I want to talk about you and me;

You are like a drug, something I got so addicted to. I've been spending my everydays for the past 3half years with you, and never once felt tired of the routine. That should mean something right? I didn't feel like what we share was something I've experienced with anyone before. Much different from past r'ships I've had, even different from the love I have for my girlfriends. As corny as it may sound, you were nothing like the guys I know. You're special. No other could call me his ravishing princess or his myangel, like you could. You treated me like I was so fragile. You have been there throughout every single cries. You have been the one who kept believing in me when I felt like giving up. I have always loved those tiny lovely surprises you have up your sleeves. You're the one who would crack me up in the most unexpected moments. My never wanted joker. The best friend that I see in you, whenever I needed one. The brother, the gossip partner, the boyfriend, the lover, the soulmate. You were my distraction from the world. And as everyday passes by, I wanted you even more. The piece of sunshine I needed to brighten up my life. You made it so colourful, filling it with pure love and sincerity. A day without you would feel torturous. I needed to hear your voice, even for a few seconds. Just to make sure that my heart was still there, beating for you. Never a day passed by without the thought of you, not even when we were fighting. You had to be there, a necessity in my life. Both of us have gotten so into each others' lives now that I feel impossible to be without you. It'd be natural for me to wake up in the morning and call you, to say iloveyou before tucking in to bed, to ask how's your day out with the guys, to text you random imissyous and iloveyous.

We got so used to each other that I took it for granted. I was sure that you were gonna be there, that you're gonna love me no matter. It was selfish of me to think of it that way. But both of us did go through that period where things were just messed up. We had our share of hurt and anger with each other. Those times when I treated you like a punching bag, throwing tantrums at you, doing things without thinking about how you'd feel, being stubborn and big-headed, hiding things from you. I know I caused you so much hurt and disappointment, and I'm sorry. I am not saying you're perfect either. Everybody makes wrong decisions sometimes, including you and me.

I would want to say that I wish things would go back to how they were, but no. I don't want to pick up where we left off, with bits and pieces here and there. I want to start a new page afresh, with only your name written on it. The only thing that stays the same from then till now, is You. The only one that I want to share this life with, has and always will be.

Now the ball is in your hands. What is it gonna be?

2009-08-03T22:08:00.002+08:00

I miss him terribly, I wanna breakdown and cry. Sometimes I just don't get it. Why does it seem like as though he doesn't want to face the problems upfront? Any chance he gets, he will try to avoid it. I know he's not ready for anything now, but sooner or later doesn't he have to do it too? I'm not rushing, but it's confusing sometimes. :( I don't know what he wants, what he's thinking. What am I here for? You know you can talk it out with me, whenever you need to...

You know how I feel, it's needless to say. Same goes to you. But when you behave the way you do sometimes, I question myself over again.

-
I miss you. And I love you. So fucking much. :(

2009-07-14T12:48:00.002+08:00

Life has been kind to me these past few days, and I'm glad. :) Too good to be true? Maybe. In the meanwhile, I want to savor every single second of it, before something comes along and smack me in the face. It could be nothing, nothing that actually matters. Then again, it could be everything that matters. I'm not making any sense now. Nothing's making sense. Urgh.

Why can't it be just you and me, without him or her? Things I'd do to have you here again... The days I am not with you makes me so restless. It's like I'm already attuned to you in my everyday life. I don't really know what I'd do without you. It sounds pathetic and cliched, I know. But really, it's empty and incomplete. You're not a want anymore, you're a Need. I may have made mistakes in this rship, but there's where I get to learn what I did wrong right? It takes two to make this work, and I really hope you're up for it. I need you to forgive me, and let's start afresh. I make it sound so easy, but it's not. I know there's a lot we need to work on, fix all the broken pieces, to get back to the top. I'd rather have hard times together, than have it easy apart. I am not putting this on you, I'm just letting you know that I am always here, waiting..

iSiluadedi, and I Do mean every single iloveyous.

2009-07-02T20:05:00.004+08:00

I've got lots to say, like too much on my mind right now I don't know where to begin.

Things have been shitty, well for me it has. Sometimes I can be laughing so hard or smiling so wide, but other times I may just be crunched up on my bed and crying my heart out. I have no idea what the hell is going on right now, and I'm not sure whether I want to know. I mean, will it make any difference if I do? It's not as if my feelings will change. Such a confusing situation and it drives me insane. My heart aches just by the thought of it. Being myself, I will just mope around figuring things to do next or wondering what will happen and shitnots. Pessimist, I know. But I am just going to enjoy every moment I get with him, making the best out of it. You'll never know when it's gonna be your last. Even though it's not perfect, I am contented. At least, you're still here. Not in that sense, but enough for me. As heartbreaking as it is, I just want to see you happy :')

It's not too late, nothing's ever too late. Maybe not now, but there's always time. Cos I know you know that this isn't over.
Imissyouhaziq.

2009-06-03T12:08:00.005+08:00

I've felt this feeling before, exactly 3 years ago, but not for the same reasons it were back then. It's just that same distinct awful feeling, and I hate it. I wish there was something to make it go away. In my head, I know of only that one thing, or rather that one person. His words are still haunting me like nightmares of yesternights, no matter if they were in form of literal words or verbal ones. It keeps playing in my mind over and over again, like a silent film with snaps of images from the past. At times, I see him there, with that smile on his pretty face, with his arms open ready to embrace me in. But he fades away once the tears fill my eyes. And I will wish again and again for him to come back. I will shut my eyes just so that I can make out the image of him at the back of my head, anything to make him real for the moment. Seeking attention from my girlfriends just to distract myself from thinking about him, but I would find myself looking at that cracked screen out of my conscience. And I would drift away in my own train of thoughts. I want him to be here right now, right where I know he's not imaginary, to be holding me and saying that everything is just fine.

Maybe, the word love is overrated.
But even so, I love you. And I'm missing you a whole damn lot, Haziq...
The images of your face flooding my mind, and I'm going insane. ='(

2009-05-04T12:21:00.007+08:00

It's been a while since I did this, updating I mean. Not that there's much that has been happening.

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I had a nightmare. And now I'm scared to be alone in the house anymore :(
I miss my girlfriends. So soo much.
I want to be perfect for you again.

2009-04-01T20:23:00.003+08:00

My soldier boy is wanting to turn me into his soldier girl. Conversation goes..

Haziq: B, you want sport shoes?
Me: Nak!
Haziq: You nak ape brand? New balance ke Brookes ke.....
Me: I nak Adidas!
Haziq: Dont have lah.. Got(keeps on talking)
Me: Nike!
.... trying to talk sense into me...
Me: Kay fine, New balance.
Haziq: Nak shorts? (and this isnt the first time he asked me this)
Me: Okaayy...
Haziq: I pakai L, so maybe i get for you M. Cos(keeps on talking)
... I was watching Alisa on tv man, cmon! ...
Me: Okaaay, caaan.
Haziq: You nak singlet?
Me & Haziq: HAHA.
Me: NO!

Crazy boy. You're a freak, you know that Haziq? My freak. :)
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On another note, I want my pay now.... I need it now.... I owe my sweetie Emil a day out fr her birthday, and I'm sorry tau Emil. Dont merajok okay. You know I love you kan kan? :) And! I wanna party mann.. Cmon money come come. Eiishh!

Anw, Max let me hear this song at work last week and I'm so into it. Thx Max! :)

2009-03-15T21:05:00.002+08:00

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I hear the ticking of the clock
I’m lying here the room’s pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won’t end though
Alone

Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone

2009-02-05T20:19:00.003+08:00

Today was catching up day with my dearest girlfriend. :)

School ended at 11, had a light snack at itas before Emil picked me up from school. We wanted to eat lunch, then she suggested of going TK.... for Magic Wok Xpress! hahaha. So much fun! Many things have changed since the last time I stepped my foot on that ground. Lucky bitches have more things to eat after school.

And so we talked, alot, over lunch. More like being super frustrated over something. But itsokaaaay... Afterwhich we went haji lane for shisha, at this place called Reis or something. What caught my eye and made me burst out laughing was the sign they put up for the shop. KEBAP, as in PPPPPPPP! aaaaahaaaaaahaaahaaahahahahahaha. Shit la, I took a picture of the menu that has that kebap word, but my hp died on me. aaaahahahahahahaha. Damn funny, I don't know why!

Moving on. We played this game we used to play back then. Some alphabetical game or something. hahah. Then suddenly, it was story-telling time. GHOST stories to be precise. And that occupied most of our time there. Emil, your stories are shit scary. Esp the thing banging on the door thing. *goosebumps* Tonight is malam jumaat, so I'm putting on my earpiece later on for some MJ12. Haha scaring myself out. This is what you do when you can't go to sleep. :)

Wanted to meet up with Farah, but she had school. So we went Marine Cove to have some ice-cream. Actually plan was Funland, but there was this bunch of cheenas hogging that place and somehow we felt so out of place. Yeaah rightt....

After East Coast, Emil wanted to get her colored contacts but decided not to AND she said she won't regret it. Suuureeeee. Instead, headed off to her place for AMOT!! Oh am gee lah that kitty is the cutest thing evuh. Yeeeeeeee..... geram gila nak mampos. Macam nak makan laah omg. Played with amot for a bit before Emil sent me home. :)

Great outing, darling.. Thanks so much for meeting up. Do it again sometime soon kay? Hopefully with Yana sekali. Love you babe. :)

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On another note, I don't think I'm scheduled for work on Saturday. And you know what that means? I CAN PICK HAZIQ UP! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! But it's just a I-don't-think thingy. So don't get your hopes too high, Aien.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! :))))

2009-02-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Tired and bored. And I'm missing you.